My mind is racing, I am all over the place it seems lately. I am so wrapped up in the world and the thing of it that I dont know if I am coming or going. The lake of spiritual growth I was swimming in has all but dried up. This world has seemed to grabbed me back and put its strong kungfu grip on my life yet again. I have allowed the dust to settle on my spirit and it kills me. The new Mind of Christ I had has been fogged with the whispers of the enemy and what he place in my mind. The Fears and stress controll my daily life. God has blessed me with new opportunities and I allow the things of fear to cloud these things and make me take 3 steps back after taking many steps forward and it is so frustrating. I truly wish I had the unpenatrable shield of faith to deflect these thrusting swords of doubt and fear. Some days I wonder why i became so weak in this battle, why do I let these things consume me. Why am I so of the world rather than just being in the world. After all this is only a fraction of my existence and I KNOW my true existence is coming when I pass on or my LORD comes and Takes me, yet I still am going through these monents of struggle. I want a blind faith, I know many that do have it and they seem at such PEACE in there daily lives. Blind FAITH, whom it sounds so nice as I read these word I type. How do I come to terms with the seperation of myself from well myself. It reminds of a prayer I read and even Blogged about a long time ago called "DRAIN me OF ME".
It seems to me that in my weakness as a human in this body with a soul fighting for its own existence I need to do as the prayer says and Drain me of me. I am building up so much in the form of doubt that I am seperating myself from the experiance I had only a year ago when I was living and loving a mind of Christ and not this muddied down mind of fear and doubt. There are some things I truly need to work on and one is PRAYER, I still struggle with it daily, the other is to dust of my many and I mean many differnt bilbes and own and Dive in head first, like I did when I had that child like curiosity for the word of GOD. I must and will get back to this life I had and raise up the armor of God over me and fight harder and stay as clear as I can from the things of this world that filling me with these feeling I have. I will DRAIN ME OF ME.
Psalm 91:4 God will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfullness will be your shield and rampart.
Drain Me Of Me
By: Gus Lloyd
Father, I am so full of myself.
I know that if I truly wish to serve you,
If I truly wish to share your word and your love,
This must not be the way.
And so today, Father, I ask you:
Drain me of me
Of all the self-inflated ego
Drain me
Of all the harsh judgement that comes so easily
Drain me
Of all jealousy and resentment
Drain me
Of all the desire for attention and adulation
Drain me
Of all attachment to the flesh
Drain me
Of all that is not of you
Drain me
And when I am emptied, unencumbered by
The stuff and nonsense of the world,
No longer weighed down by the heaviness
And burdens put upon me by myself
Or the dark forces of the evil one
Fill me with your Spirit,
For your Spirit has no chains,
Your Spirit recognizes no boundaries,
Your Spirit is lightness and light,
Your Spirit allows me to soar
As on eagle’s wings.
And so, Father, right now, this moment
I give you permission to
Drain me of me,
That I may be more like you
Through your Son, Jesus Christ
In the power of the Holy Spirit.
Amen
I am a man who grew up with little faith but found myself lost in MYSELF. It took 31 years for me to come to understand that there is something far great than me out there. It was someone who wanted me even more than I wanted him in my life. His name was Jesus Christ and he Suffered for me Far Greater than i EVER understood.
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